Us against them?

The mother was crying and screaming at me in the principal’s office. I had taken the woman's son to the office earlier for beating up on another student during my class. Thirty students witnessed the incident, but the mother still accused me of being racist and picking on her son. The fourteen-year-old sixth grader stood there smiling behind his mother, confident that she would fix things. And she did by pulling him out of school to keep the principal from disciplining him. She repeated this process every time he got in trouble, pulling him out and enrolling him in a number of other schools in nearby towns.

The next time I saw the mother was in the public library several years later after I had become the public library director. Minors in trouble with the law met with their probation officer in the libary meeting room. The woman was apologizing for her son missing his weekly meeting and the whole time she was speaking I was thinking... Do you remember me? Do you remember how we tried to teach your son the consequences of his actions back then, but you wouldn't let us? The young man had been caught and arrested for breaking into homes and stealing.

Several more years later, I picked up a bundle of papers someone had dropped behind the library, which was across the street from the courthouse. I glanced at the first page and saw a familiar name. This same young man had been indicted by a grand jury on charges of rape. He was no longer a minor, though, so his mother couldn’t fix it this time. The young man went to prison.

Teachers and school administrators tried on numerous occasions to hold this young man accountable for his actions, but the parent seemed to view the school as the enemy rather than the partners they were in helping responsibly train her son for life.

Some students view teachers with the same attitude—“they don’t like me,” “they gave me that bad grade,” “they’re out to get me,”—as if teachers and students are on opposite sides of a battle.

NEWS FLASH—teachers and students and parents are on the same team! The school and administrators’ goal, like the parents’, is to prepare children for life. It’s a three-way partnership between the parent/ guardian, the student, and the educators. If one of the trilogy isn’t contributing their part—everyone suffers, now and later. The following old saying applies: a cord of three strands is not easily broken. The three cords include:

1) the parent or guardian taking responsibility for the child’s learning and supporting both the child and the school in whatever way needed to prepare the child for life;

2) the school taking responsibility for teaching those mandated skills that, if learned, will enable the student to survive and thrive in life; and

3) the student taking responsibility for their learning and understanding that school is preparing them for life and commiting to do their best to learn those skills.

The habits students develop in school and at home are the habits they will take with them into life and the workplace. If they make it a habit to be on time to class, they’re practicing being on time for work. If they turn in assignments on time, they’re practicing making deadlines on the job. And the reverse is true. If they see the teachers as the enemy, they’ll view their bosses the same way. If they struggle getting along with other students, they’ll struggle with relationships later. If they have trouble respecting property and authority, they’ll disrespect the law later. If they get into the habit of lying to their teachers or friends or parents, they’ll continue to lie on the job or in relationships later.

Sometimes when we make it easier for our children now, we've made it harder for them later. If parents and teachers see poor habits or character developing in a student, now is the time to work together to make the effort to change them, not later when the consequences are greater.

Education is a partnership. Teachers and administrators appreciate and need the support of the parents, and with the deep cuts in education funding over the next couple of years, the load on educators will be even greater—less staff and resources for larger student populations. When it comes to preparing children for life, no one part can do it all, and the responsibility & accountability should fall equally on the shoulders of parents, educators, and students.